Sunday, 25 May 2014

Three things I have learnt about Berlin this week

#1. If you make enough of a tit of yourself in the spaeti, they will give you a free lollipop to compensate you for your expended shame. I'm ashamed to admit that this has happened to me on more than one occasion. In the same spaeti. While being served by the same man. One time I was a little bit tipsy and smashed a crate of Sternburg. He went so far as to me a sympathy high five. I now refuse to set foot in this particular shop for fear of committing yet another giant faux pas, which is a shame because the lads who run it are really lovely and offered to give my mate Diana a chandelier.

#2. A small faction of the population apparently really, really dislike tourists, to the point that they are happy to take time out of their day to adorn the streets with passive-agressive English-language graffiti. Seeing the words 'burn tourists' scrawled on walls and tables is pretty commonplace, especially in the newly-gentrified areas of Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg. Which, incidentally, is where we live. Gulp.

#3. Berliners seem to regard supermarket vegetables as the work of Lucifer himself. Personally, I think they should be more concerned about their cheese situation. Back in the UK, packaged cheese slices are usually reserved for terminally lazy sandwich-makers and half arsed camping trips. Here, they dominate the refrigerators. Have you ever tried grating pre-sliced cheese? No, you haven't, because it's bloody impossible. Sure, you can buy a block of cheese if you reaaally want to...for 7 Euro a pop. Would it kill them to stock some reasonably priced cheddar?

Bis bald,
Betti Baudelaire xxx

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