Monday, 28 July 2014

German insults I have learnt

DISCLAIMER: The following phrases were taught to me by a couple of German teenagers after a fair few amateur mojitos. I have checked and validated the legitimacy of all of the following as best I can, but cannot promise that all (or any) of them are 100% correct. I take no responsibility for any embarrassment incurred by anyone who decides to trial them on a native German speaker and comes away looking like an award-winning plonker.

1) Arschgeige - literally translates as 'arse violin', a mental image that expertly straddles the fine line between genius and ridiculous.

2) Warmduscher - someone who takes warm showers. I guess that makes them a pussy? But if you ask me, taking unnecessarily cold showers doesn't make you particularly 'hard'. It just means you're either a) a masochist or b) the forgetful sort who neglected their gas bills.

3) Ich mach dich messer - Turkish-German slang. The straight translation is 'I make you knife', which makes no sense at all, so I guess it's all in the context. Basically, it means you're going to kill them. If a stranger says this to you, it's probably wise to start running.

4) Hurensohn - Son of a whore. Pretty much guaranteed to cause maximum offence. Somewhat disturbingly, this one was taught to me by a cherub-faced 16 year old who was in the process of making S'mores on a bonfire.

5) Toastbrot - a piece of toasted bread. I have no idea in what context this should be used, or why it is even considered an insult at all. Toast is pretty nice, so surely saying 'du bist Toastbrot' to someone is, if anything, a compliment? I'm not sure I will ever fully get to grips with the complexities of German slang.

6) Teletubbieszur├╝ckwinker - My personal favourite. Literal translation? A person who waves back to Teletubbies. Fair play Germany, that's low.

Bis bald,

Betti Baudelaire xxx

1 comment:


    I love Germans.